YOu've gOt 2 B kIdDinG mE!

Christmas...is only how many days away? and I've only bought one gift! and the only decorations in the house are the lovely cards I've received from friends (that really would be enough IF it were just me) and a circle-of-cranberries candle holder on the piano. Pitimuss! Somebody crack the whip! Somebody get me some major caffeine! Somebody write me a list and rob me a bank! Heeeelp! Christmas is upon me and I am- for the first time EVER, totally unprepared! I do have a boatload of Christmas spirit, but I just can't seem to get a grip on the mechanics of it all. Anybody out there know what I'm talkin' bout?

So in honor of my plight, here's yet another corny rewrite of  'Twas the Night before Christmas'.

'Twas the Wreck before Christmas
Twas the wreck before Christmas, and all thru the house.
The only creatures a stirring, were two cats and a half-dead mouse.
No stockings were hung on the wall mirror with care,
cuz the lady that hangs them was just not prepared.

Papa and Grammy were snug in their bed,
when they should have been out buying presents instead.
Take off that kerchief! take off that cap!
There's stuff what needs doing, no time for a nap!

Then out on the lawn there arouse such a clatter,
we sprang from our bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window we flew like a flash,
to discover it was only a bum in the trash.

The moon on the breast of the ghetto's "fine" view,
gave a glow to the trash all around us anew.
When what to our wandering eye's should appear,
but a swat team with guns drawn a little too near!

Now, back to the matter of Christmas --this rhyme,
see, I can't seem to focus on one thing at a time.
 Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme..

Distractions encircle my head like a wreath-
All because of the empty space underneath.
What? where was I? Oh yeah, Christmas! the subject at hand.

I must get to workin' or it'll be bland!

Get presents! now, cookies! Stockings and candy!
On, garland! On, light strings! Get, busy! be handy!
To the top of the list! then on to the mall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Get on the ball!

So, I'll spring to my trusty Camry today,
put her in gear and be on my way.
And to y'all I'll exclaim, 'ere I scramble to get this here Holiday right,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a, a,... um...a partridge in a pear tree?

By Caroline

Happy Friday y'all!